Burn out to Opt out
by Rosemary Williamson
I am filled with sadness as I read this and yet hope for the future. My husband took his own life on November 20 2019. He left no notes, no explanation, however, I know he was worn out, burnt out and unreplenished. He was afraid to 'fail' yet again and was unable to see the resources that were surely there. He was a prophet and a problem solver and yet it all became too much, too much chronic anxiety, too much pressure, too much pain, blinding him to the resources that were all around him.
In this time of intense grief, I can see where he was and also that I could allow myself to be sucked into that vortex of hopelessness, so every day I am being intentional about caring for myself (no-one else can do it for me). I am choosing to make myself participate in activity, swimming, which I find so relaxing, bushwalking - with a group -so that I am not wandering aimlessly and taking better care of my body (although still not eating well or much).
There are still problems all around me, the business that caused Frank so many heartaches and anxieties, I am now having to learn on my feet and it would have been so easy to close my eyes and declare bankruptcy and then depend on my children! I am engaging with counsellors and business consultants and I will move forward in a way that will honour my husband's life.
I am going to print out this blessing, to remind me every day to frame those problems that arise, with hope and not fear.